Oct 25th Who are we (allowed to be) ?

Hello anonymous people of the internet.

...

Well,
I have to take a deep breath before this one.

I've never allowed myself to admit that but... How I wish I could be anonymous! Like forever, it is exhausting to always worry about people, should it be for good or bad reasons. It's too much work to be linked to people.

It's too much work to be part of this world.


I actually think about writing this blog every single day, like writing honestly about how I feel, how I live, what I think. But then I always have second thoughts, about how X and Y are gonna react to what I'm writing. How they'll change their minds about me, and I stop there and leave all what I think inside my heart, sealed feelings and unspoken truths.

Many people would say "Just don't give a shit about what others think! Easy" Well, not. Let's be sincere it's not. We're all born in families, without being able to chose we've been assigned parents, siblings, cultures, religion, nationalities from birth. We have no choice but to accept them, or at least, respect them? That has always been an 暗黙了解 to me. Tacitly we are expected to fit, we are required to accept the random combination we've be assigned at birth.

Some people will say that it's wrong, that you're the master of your very self and the designer of your very own "you". That you can be a boy when you're born a girl, that you can love girls when you're supposed to love boys, that you can be rich when you're born poor, that you can change your nationality, learn a new language, turn friends into chosen family, get healthy when you were sick, believe when your parents taught you to disbelieve, disbelieve when your parents taught you to believe.

Indeed you can.

But you'll have to let everything behind.

Because a few, if even some, will follow you then. And if you care about them even a little, then you'll eventually abort your plans, and would rather bury yourself than disappoint them and be that person they would hate to see you turning into. You would be that person they expect you to be, because disappointing yourself is okay, it's only you, and you can always pretend you forgot.